The ENDfidelity

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Quite a bit can be said about men who seem to have anxieties about certain aspects of their lives such as intimacy and commitment. But since when does every living male on this planet have anxieties regarding their interpersonal relationships.

Psychologist Mark H. Thelen conducted a study to compare the sexes on the Fear-of-intimacy scale. The study found men actually score higher than women on the scale. This finding supports the thoughts many women across the world regarding men and being terrified of relationships and commitment.

The never-ending debate on whether men are genetically wired to fear relationships and intimacy will never go away and for good reason. There is absolutely no proof or evidence that suggests men can’t be monogamous. Yet women are convinced that males cannot commit. But why?

When it comes to monogamy and showing any sort of affection, people automatically think of women. In most cultures, women are seen as the caretaker and men are seen as the protector and breadwinner. As early as history has been recorded men have been the dominant sex and among men the alpha male is promiscuous. As time goes on, the promiscuity is more for pleasure and to demonstrate masculinity than it is for reproduction.

A considerable number of acts of promiscuity and relationship anxiety are taught behaviors, not learned. The responsibility of these actions should typically be placed on what parents, peer groups and the media are teaching men and boys what it means to be a “real” man. Activist, Jackson Katz stated in the 2013 documentary Tough Guise 2 that from an early age men are taught to always rough and rarely show emotion.

Today in Western culture, many men praise other men for promiscuity and having the cliché bachelor life. It’s presumed by some that if you are monogamous in a relationship or sexually, then you are not a real man. Men’s social standards for each may be the root of why women are so quick to assume that all men are not willing to commit.

20th Century Fox felt as though it was absolutely necessary to embody the idea of hot shot promiscuous adulterer once again in a new film called The Other Woman. The whole concept of the film is a successful, highly attractive businessman is cheating on his wife, his mistress and his second mistress.

Without passing judgment on anyone’s lifestyle or pop culture, this begins the praise cycle of those men who glamorize adulterous acts and having multiple partners.

America has become utterly infatuated with pop culture, so when the news and social media tend to unknowingly commend particularly famous men for their adulterous ways it gets instilled that it is an acceptable act. Over the course of the years we’ve seen the media attention that men such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robin Thicke and Bill Clinton received for their extramarital activities. The headlines may indicate that their actions are being condemned, but the bigger message the media is giving is that this is what’s popular and this is what is going to get you noticed by many.

Numerous other research studies questioned the motives behind men’s infidelity and lack of commitment. The website, EverydayHealth claims that approximately 56 percent of men have admitted to have anxieties about relationships and intimacy, which resulted in infidelity.

This machismo themed conclusion is negative in the sense that this is not how majority of men should be represented. The barrier some men were taught to have up at all times must come down at some point and during an intimate relationship is the time that is expected to happened. Sometimes that does not happens which leads to feelings of emotional disconnection.

Whether these actions carried out are deemed good or bad it will continue to happen. The various research studies being conducted, the thousands of dollars spent on couple’s therapy, the number of individual admitting and being victimized will only increase with time. One person’s mess should not account for an entire demographic.

 

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